Do You Want to be Loved?
by You Have a Point
Summary: Sequel to A New Day. Final chapter: Nine months in about nine hundred words. AlexAddison, Addex, Addisex, etc. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Just to start out: Welcome back! And welcome to Do You Want to be Loved?, the long awaited, highly anticipate sequel to A New Day. YAY!**

**This took a bit longer than expected to get rolling, but I really had to think about it... I had A New Day fully planned out before I started writing. I had to think, "What do I want to have happen? What do I think would have been realistic for Addison and Alex? What would be a satisfying Season 3?**

**And I had also decided that this was it. I'm not going to be writing an Alternate Season 5. This is going to be the last, so I also needed to come up with something that would put Addison and Alex in a place where it wouldn't be like I needed another season. And well, I came up with it.**

**I finally got my inspiration from the song "Lullaby" by The Dixie Chicks. That's also what I named the fic after. You can find it on youtube, so if you want a bit of a spoiler for the rest of the fic, listen to it and read the lyrics.**

**Another note: As a fake Grey's Anatomy author, I made the executive decision to put off the angsty stuff one season. So this is going to be significantly more dark and twisty than A New Day. Just so you know. ;-)**

**Okay, enough of me-- here is the first chapter of Do You Want to be Loved? Please keep reviewing. I know it's tempting not to, with Season 4 of real Grey's coming up, but put it on your alert list, bookmark it, anything. Reviews are so lovely. :-)**

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_Unbelievable, Karev. _

Was there any other way to describe it? It was freaking unbelievable. _And now I'm starting to sound like him. _

_Damnit. _

Addison could hear the applause in the back round: "And the Oscar for lamest choice of people to fall in love with: Addison Forbes Montgomery Ex-Shepherd, could've been Sloane, could've been Karev!"

Well, at least this time around, she managed to be hurt by someone who actually loved her. But could she even believe it? "Hi, I'm in love with you, but I'm going to disappear tomorrow morning." As idiotic as it sounded, it actually seemed to tie perfectly in with her life. And, despite all of this, she continued to walk towards the front double doors of Seattle Grace hospital. Why was she even here? A sane person would be gone by now—on a plane to New York the day after Derek's Christmas "spirit". Or at least departed after both dotted lines were signed and sent to the courthouse.

If she had leaved, she wouldn't be in this situation right now. This place of having fallen for the male mirror of her ex-husbands girlfriend. How could he have been _anything_ to her? What was he, 32? Could he really be expected to stick around for some grandmother, even if he claimed he loved her? How could Alex even know what love was?

But if this was the case, what explained the look in his eyes after the kiss in the scrub room? The way his jaw got tightened just so much when she described her ex-husbands callousness? How he let out such a momentous sigh when she finally spoke of her love for him? How could someone who had been saving and nurturing infants for the past five months not know what love is? And not know what hurt is either? So how on earth was she in the position she is now because he abandoned her in the morning, when the light finally shined on them, and why was she was alone?

She vaguely realized she had stopped by the front desk. Why had her feet stopped? Was it from fear? She found her answer when she lazily found herself staring at the seats by the windows in the main lobby. _Addison__, what are you doing here? _

Though it had seemed so cruel at the time, as he protectively stood in front of another woman, she found herself, so many months later, being asked the same question in the same place: this time not by her betraying husband, but by herself:

_Addison__, what the hell are you doing here? _

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She finally gathered herself (doesn't that sound like she had been ripped up in a million pieces, and she managed to put them all in a plastic bag for further examination?) enough to leave the lobby and head for the elevators. Though she knew it was impossible to get into a good mood today, she knew working would at least make her feel better than moping around and being sentimental all day. Addison Montgomery was _not_ a moper. Well, most of the time, anyways. She allowed herself to mope when her 11 year marriage came to an end. But she was not moping over a nine-month escapade with an intern.

But Karma had decided not to leave Addison alone today, and speaking of interns, a certain Grey (so funny that that was actually how Addison was describing her mood) was calling for someone to hold the elevator doors. As she sidled into the seemingly enclosing metal compartment, Addison couldn't help but feel some animosity towards the younger woman. She was, after all, another reason why Addison was in this position now. Then she remembered Meredith's relation to Alex—was it possible that he had gone to her as a refuge, and Grey might know where he was? But before she could ask anything—

"Where's Alex?"

That was one of the last things she had been expecting. (Next to: Derek and I broke up, he realized that he is still in love with you). Why would Meredith be asking about Alex? Surely she couldn't know of their… (affair? Courtship? Wooing?). But Addison couldn't bring herself to lie. "I was going to ask you the same question."

All of a sudden, Meredith's eyes widened as she took it all in—the extra heavy layer of make up on Addison's eyes, the flatness in her voice, and despite all of it how she was standing rather carefully, how Meredith usually had to stand after a night of _way_ too much sex… and the dots were connected. Meredith's eyes widened, her jaw dropping ever so slightly. Curse you, Alex.

They exited the elevator in silence.

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But, as it ended up, Addison wasn't able to shake the intern just yet, for they both had business with Dr. Bailey. If Meredith didn't know where Alex was, then surely his resident would. Addison had to see him _now_, for how in the world could they work together today before sorting stuff out first? No, Addison was ready for the confrontation. _Asking Bailey where Alex was_. She had a pang of sympathy for Meredith, and how she had to report to Bailey every single day. Even this one task with the Nazi was daunting.

Meredith respectfully lessened her pace and allowed Addison to approach her first. "Dr. Bailey, my intern—."

"Yes, where is your intern? He was supposed to be here two hours ago."

She froze.

_What? _

_How? _

_Where… _

Meredith was watching the whole thing, how Addison couldn't move, and also how Dr. Bailey was slowly reading and deciphering her facial expression. _Oh God, Bailey can not know._ In a moment of empathy (and sympathy too, Meredith hoped) for the older woman, she offered a request that she would probably regret in the near future: "Dr. Montgomery, do you want—erm, can I be your intern today?"

Addison's bubble burst—_thank god_. She was taken aback by this offer—now it was definitely crystal clear Meredith knew what was going down. Not everything (she still hadn't responded to _where in the hell Alex was…_) but enough that she was offering to be Addison's intern. And with a sigh, she accepted.

_Where is Alex? _

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**Okay, I'm ready for the flying tomatoes. LOL. One thing though-- did you notice I started the fic with "Unbelievable, Karev"? Because that's how I started A New Day. I confess, I am a huge fan of symmetry.**

**Please review! If you do, you can find out where Alex disappeared to...**


	2. Chapter 2

**The internet on my computer died. Sorry this took so long to get up. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Great Gomerel, whose writing has totally inspired the writing of this fic. :-D **

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Of course, by the time Alex was about 40 miles out of Seattle, he had already forgotten why he had to leave so urgently in the first place.

_But isn't that how the world works_. Where he had to leave when the going was finally getting easier, when there was someone who loved him that he had to hurt…

Whose damn fault was it? Because as soon as Alex found the person to blame for his pitiful situations, they'd be on the ground bleeding before they could protest "Karma." It really wasn't fair. What in the world had he done to deserve all this? The bad family, bad history, the situation reminded him of—

Well, it reminded him of _her_. The reason he was driving in his truck 70 miles per hour East, East, East, away from everything. Addison was married for 11 years, then was left by her husband, cheated on by her lover, and… ditched after one night of sex, even though he had practically promised it would be more. Addison didn't even know where he was.

_I should call her. _He started another mental banter_. I should definitely call her. She deserves a call. Look, my phone is right there on the passenger seat. All I need to do is reach out— _

_Well, how come she isn't calling me? If she 'loved' me so much, she would call herself._ For all she knew, he got paged in the middle of the night and had to leave for the hospital. (_Hospital. Shit. Probably should've let them know I was skipping town_.) Besides, she probably didn't love him at all. She's a top grade surgeon, specializing in too many categories to list in under thirty seconds, was married for eleven years to the best neurosurgeon in the country, was with Mark Sloane, the go-to plastic surgeon on the East coast, lived in a brownstone overlooking Central Park—Alex barely knew what Central Park was. He had never even visited New York.

But if she didn't love him—he remembered so clearly her face when he was begging her to let him back onto her service, how much pain was in her eyes after the scrub room kiss, and if she didn't love him, what explained how the minute he had entered her room, _she_ was holding him, _she_ was the one guiding them to the bed, and how there wasn't a single lie in her eyes when she finally said the words that he had fantasized about? The ones that meant stability, compassion—

Alex himself had said those words. But he still left in the morning. _That's because I loved her enough to save her from— _

From what? His past? His family? What was the real motive that had him fleeing Seattle right now?

In a burst of courage, he reached over to his phone and started to dial her number (after countless late night pages, emergency coffee dates, and other numerous scenarios, he didn't need to go through the time consuming process of actually looking up the number one person on his contact list), but he realized something was wrong—

His phone was out of range. There was no means of contact now, he realized. Even fifteen minutes ago he could have giver Addison some form of apology (apology? What would he be apologizing for?) or explanation (even though he was no further in figuring out his explanation for his unfathomable behavior than he was fifteen minutes ago), but now it was obvious he would hear nothing but the rattling of his snowboard in his trunk for the rest of the drive on the winding road up to the top of the mountain.

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Alex discovered Snoqualmie the week before he started his internship—his apartment lease required him to move to Seattle before he actually had to be there, so he spent his time trying to get to know the city. Well, the city bars, to be exact, but Alex didn't like to remember that part of his life anymore. Yolanda, or Martha, someone along those lines, had mentioned it to him at one of said bars while they were still in the 'innocent chatting' stage. After abandoning (insert one night stand's name here) in her apartment after some less-than-average sex, he figured he'd give it a shot. After all, he had another week to kill, might as well go snowboarding for a day.

(Alex found it ironic that both times he had been to the mountain was after similar situations—except the 'innocent chatting' had lasted for months with Addison, and the sex was definitely more than 'less than average'.)

As he slowly eased into the parking lot, he couldn't help but remember Addison's terrible parking skills—he had watched her knock into the cars beside her at least three times as she came to SGH in her hybrid. ("I don't see how _doctors_ of all people can be owners of gas guzzling, cancer causing Hummers. I mean, _Hummer_. Even in the name, you can hear it humming mischievously as it destroys the environment one gallon of oil at a time…") Of course, Alex couldn't call her on it—in flat Iowa, everyone had garages. There wasn't even a parallel parking trial during his driving exam.

Grabbing his snowboard out of the trunk he shrugged into his coat and started whistling. Addison may be laughing at his patheticness as she goes at it with Shepherd back in Seattle, he may be in the process of getting fired from the Seattle Grace residency program, his mother—

_Crap, My mother_. He had completely forgotten about her surgery—the escapade afterwards had been the only thing on his mind for hours, but he wouldn't worry about her. Because he was going snowboarding. And, at least for now, he didn't have anything he had to deal with,

He passed a telephone booth, felt a pang of guilt—but then passed. If someone had been watching him, they wouldn't have been able to tell he gave it a second glance.

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Alex was right not to worry. Addison was taking good care of Gretchen.

Well, as best as one could after the man they loved kipped town,.

Addison led Meredith to her room, handing her the chart as they went. Addison still didn't trust he voice yet, and she didn't want to explain what the whole story was, so she let Meredith connect the dots on her own—the audible gasp Addison heard beside her as she opened the door confirmed that she was sufficiently clued in. She took a deep breath. "Gretchen. How are you feeling today?"

She looked up and grinned. "Much, much better, Dr. Montgomery." Addison quirked an eyebrow, but didn't question Ms. Karev's more-than-health-related good mood. _Probably about something that never happened anyways_ she thought bitterly. But she couldn't be wallowing over Alex all day, because that would serve to do nothing but get her in a bad mood, or possibly distract her enough that she'd drop a scalpel, and killing people always got her in a worse mood anyhow. _There, is that any proof that I'm not Satan? _

Thankfully Meredith and Gretchen hit it off right away, so Addison was able to sneak from. She wasn't quite off the hook though, for Meredith caught up with her in the stairwell as she went to go check on another patient. "So what happened with you and Alex?"

Addison had the decency to keep the groan emitting from her mind internal (more than she could say about any of her last three sexual partners). "I… is none of your business."

Meredith really should've been an actress, Addison mused. Derek would've never met her, they'd still… that was beside the point. Because her facial expression said oh-so clearly "Come on, I know something happened, I just totally saved you as back there, and I'm also really sorry because it's obvious whatever happened was bad" but (Thank god for small miracles) she backed off for now. She watched as the intern descended the stairs and opened the door that led to the third floor, but just as Addison thought she was free, Meredith turned around and over her shoulder—"He fell pretty hard for you, ya know". And then she was gone.

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Wow, that felt good.

Cheeks flushed, Alex went into the food lunge at the lodge. He was still on a high that he only got after a few hours of snowboarding. _Or spending five minutes with Dr. Montgomery_—oh, and there it goes. The high was gone, Alex was pissed off again, and he remembered how fucking cold he was.

He went immediately to the coffee stand, hoping to get something to warm him up. He saw a sign posted for hot chocolate: "It warms you all the way to the heart". Alex doubted at this moment that anything could possibly warm his heart up.

Unthinking, when he got to the front of the line, he ordered what he always got after snowboarding—"Cinnamon latte, please." Of course after saying this, he instantly remembered Sloane's convenient allergy and Addison's explicit role in that plot—back in the days where all that he connected with he was the memory of hot on call room sex. Before the word "love" had ever come to his mind before in his _life_.

He downed the latte in 30 seconds and headed back out into the frozen waste land.

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Anyone who knew Alex at all could guess—he snowboarded hard, fast, and reckless.

But even though his degree of intensity while snowboarding required pretty much full attention ( the winter season in the hospital was heaven for Ortho and Neuro) he couldn't help but think about her, his situation, and the millions of things that went along with it.

By now, he was in self blame mode again. First it was Addison's fault for falling in love with him, then his dad's fault for making him damaged goods, then Sloane's fault for making Plastics miserable for him, but in the end, it all came back to him. He fell in love with someone out of his league. He was the one who decided to have one night stands every other week. And it was him who left in the morning. For all he knew, there could have been an Alex-and-Addison right this very second if he hadn't run for the mountains.

Alex found himself in this mindset approaching his favorite part of the run. It was a stretch of snow that was practically flat—you had to build up speed on the previous downhill slope, and keep going lightning fast, otherwise you would run out of steam and have to un strap. Alex felt the collar of his jacket coming loose: the hard on his neck was standing straight up as he whizzed through space.

But something---or someone—burst his bubble. He noticed a flash of red hair to his left. He jerked his had in that direction, and found himself staring at a family of three: It was the father's wavy, shoulder length locks that had caught his attention. He glided over to his wife, probably early forties, and their elementary school aged son, as he attempted to reattach his skis.

It was too much for Alex. Is that us? Was that us? Is it over? Is it all over now, did I ruin my only shot? Alex couldn't handle it, couldn't tear his eyes away from what looked eerily like his could have been life, so he veered to the right, away from them. But something was wrong. _Doesn't the earth have gravity? It's impossible to be in mid-air, what was going_—he registered a pain in his head before everything turned to black.

**So, Snoqualmie is a real snowboarding place East of Seattle—and I have been there, snowboarded, and fallen on this very spot on the slope and got a concussion. But who knows what happened to Alex… I was lucky to just get a concussion… and I did say this fic was the last in the series, so he could possibly have worse damage… **

**And, of course, I couldn't forget about Gretchen!!! Hello, she just had surgery!!! So I got that in. LOL Thanks for the reviews. Please do it again. :-D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, you lucky, lucky readers. My muse has come back. So I've been writing alot. But I also got cast as the lead in a play. AND I do competitive performance poetry, and I just signed up for a gig in that. AND I was cast out in a touring Christmas troupe (even though I'm Jewish). So even though I'm writing alot more, the updates will STILL probably be about 4-5 days apart. But that is life.**

**And ALSO, readers, this week my email inbox got completely swarmed with people who added my story to their "Story Alert" list. I got at least 15 of them. But I only got 10 reviews... I know other authors will back me up on this one: We love reviews. I have specifically put more effort and thought into the writing in this fic, but honestly, I'll put crappy fics on my Alert list. A review makes us feel better. Don't make me beg. :-D**

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As Addison finished her notes on Ms. Zimmer's charts, she heard the door of Gretchen's room opening and closing, and Meredith came up on her left to hand her the chart, letting out a deep sigh. "She's a nice woman."

"Yeah," Addison mumbled. _Wish I could say the same about her son… _

"It's so sad that things happen to families like that."

Addison looked up for the first time. "What?"

Meredith gawked. "You don't know the story?"

Seeing Addison's look of surprise not fading, Meredith found them a supply closet. "Her husband, Alex's dad… druggie. He abused both of them for eighteen years. Then Alex became a wrestler and defended her the next time it happened. After his dad was discharged from the hospital, he never came home."

She stared, unthinking, unfeeling. Well, not really unfeeling, because obviously this lack of feeling was making her feel pretty uncomfortable. But now she was internally rambling and not really dealing with the information she was just dealt. Neither spoke for a while.

"He loves me." Meredith looked up at Addison's words. "He loved me, at least. Last night he did. And I loved him too. I'm not sure if I can love him anymore. Because then he left."

"Did he say anything?"

Addison's look of shock was now completely replaced with a look of being lost. "No. I fell asleep in his arms, but when I woke up they weren't there. And now no one knows where he is, including me and…. _Damnit_, Meredith, he said that he loved me!"

That's when she collapsed. She didn't cry, like the wet, snotty kind, but dry heaves. Meredith, with a pang of guilt, wondered whether she had used up all her tears when Derek left her.

After another couple of minutes, Addison was breathing normally. Meredith was sitting next to her. Addison turned her head. "You're dark and twisty. What do you think happened?"

She was at a loss for words. The only thing she could think of was "He's scared". So she voiced it to Addison. "He looks at you, and you're not damaged. I mean sure, you're divorced, but you're not really damaged. And you're older than him—." Seeing Addison's facial expression at this, Meredith changed her words, "more experienced than him, and… he's never been in love before."

"So you believe he meant it?" Addison couldn't help herself from chiming in—even if it made her insecurities all the more public.

Meredith hesitated for a second. "Yes," she said carefully. "I believe he must. I mean, from his point of view, he just kinda bared his soul to you last night. For someone like Alex to even have the word "love" come to his mind would be an astronomical step. The fact that he said it out loud to your face…"

Addison contemplated this, then scoffed. "And what about the fact that he has disappeared off the face of the planet?"

"No he hasn't," Meredith slapped at Addison. "He's probably trying to figure out how to apologize to you."

She sighed, and ceremoniously banged her head against the wall. As much as Addison wanted him to barge into that supply closet then and there, apologize profusely for his behavior, claim his undying love for her so the whole world could hear, then push him against the wall and have her naughty way with him…

At the same time, she couldn't picture them together anymore. She couldn't picture herself happy in Seattle. And she could _not_ imagine forgiving him. It was one of her flaws. One of the reasons she never even fathomed a real relationship with Mark in Seattle was because she never forgave him for Charlene, and also if he betrayed his best friend, what would keep him from betraying a girl? And as much as Addison had fantasized about her and Derek getting back together in a torrid affair, she would never take him back after Meredith, and the prom. So now it looked like she was facing the same fate of her unforgiving nature with Alex.

Another reason why the whole scenario pissed her off—Alex was supposed to be her savior. Not exactly the "rebound" relationship, but this was the one that was supposed to make it—from the very beginning, mending her marriage had been an impossible task. And Mark represented all of her sins, every bad memory, so she couldn't have been happy with him either, with all of that baggage. But here was another man, who had nothing to do with the whole New York triangle, had amazing chemistry with her, told her all the perfect things… but now he had a record.

Addison recognized that she was being unreasonable about the whole thing. It _is_ possible to forgive. But right now, being forced into a position of crying on the floor of a supply closet instead of saving lives—Alex would need a body guard if he had the nerve to return to Seattle.

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Though he wasn't in Seattle yet, Alex did have the nerve (and the life, and the brain function) to wake up in the mountain's infirmary.

Surprisingly enough, he remembered everything that had happened. Most of the time after a head injury, the victim can't remember what happened before the accident, but the burning imprint of a child's hands and red hair was still flashing in his eyes when he regained consciousness.

A blond female doctor stood before him, holding a chart. She didn't look a day out of med school. Alex reckoned he'd have a better chance at his diagnosis than she would. He rolled his eyes, then looked up expectantly.

He eyes widened when she realized he was looking at her, then emitted a squeal and starting blushing profusely. "Oh! Umm….." At this point someone else came up.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Lee. You took quite a fall on your head."

"I know, I remember."

Dr. Lee made a mark on his chart. "Well, you didn't have any identification on you, so your name is…?"

"Alex Karev," he mumbled. What time was it? How long had he been out? He found a clock that confirmed an hour had passed. _Good, I haven't lost too much time to talk to Addison. I wonder what she's doing now…_

"Well, Mr. Karev—."

"Doctor Karev. Or Alex."

Dr. Lee raised his eyebrows. "A doctor, eh? Well, Alex, you had extraordinary luck. Where you were snowboarding is a particularly dangerous stretch, and witnesses claimed you were going extremely fast. However, you were on a patch of miraculously soft-packed snow. You had a minor concussion, but there are no subdural bleeds, or lasting injuries, and you will have a full recovery."

Alex sighed a breath of relief. He couldn't help but imagine himself dead, miles from his home, unidentifiable without his driver's license… Addison would have never know what had happened to him.

The doctor chuckled. "Well, you had a stroke of luck. Even if you had been a few yards to the left, the difference in packed snow probably would have meant your life."

And now Alex was sweating. _'Yards to the left'_? Seconds before he had fallen, he had _been_ to the left, but there had been the family who scared him so much that he had veered to the right, to the softer snow. It was Addison, the thought of Addison, which saved his life.

He burst into laughter. It was ridiculous, something out of one of those cheesy fairytales. The thought of the woman he loves that saved his life? Seriously? But in every way, shape, and form, it was true. And with that he signed his discharge papers, and turned to leave the infirmary and go pack up his stuff to go home. He was in such a new, empowering mood, as he walked by the blond doctor from before, he ruffled her hair. As he sauntered out of the door, he head instruments dropping on the floor.

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Addison dropped by Gretchen's room as Meredith was getting her discharged. Gretchen looked up from her bed. "So how come my son hasn't visited me today?" She raised her eyebrows at Addison, suggesting the _last_ thing Addison wanted to be thinking about.

"Because your son is a dumbass."

Gretchen turned her head so fast in Meredith's direction, the 'pop' of her neck could be heard through out the room. "_What?_"

Meredith sighed. "You told me yourself that you had tried to set up him and Addison. It ends up that it worked, but then your darling son skipped town."

Addison was appalled. Gretchen was dumbstruck. "Dumbass," she finally agreed.

Realizing she was in a losing battle, Addison finally piped in: "Just so you know, I absolutely love it when you talk about my sex life in front of me without even consulting me first."

Meredith stopped trying to conceal her giggles. "Well, it sounds like Alex had _already_ asked you for a _consult_, Dr. Montgomery…"

The three women could not speak for the next four minutes. One of the nurses stopped by to make sure everything was alright.

Finally they settled down. Addison had tears of mirth still wet on her face. Then she sighed and sat down in the chair. Looking at her, you couldn't tell anymore that she had cried for a good reason. "God, what _is_ your son's problem?"

Gretchen shrugged. Meredith gave her a pat on the shoulder, then finished her discharge papers. When it was finally time for Gretchen to leave, she gave her a big hug. Then she turned to Addison. "Don't give up on him, okay? I know for a fact, after knowing him for over thirty years—he does make dumbass decisions. But he always makes them for a reason he thinks is plausible. He always does it with the good in his mind. Somehow he thought that running was the right decision. So please don't give up."

Addison sighed, then nodded her head. One more hug and Mrs. Karev was gone.

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As Gretchen walked to her car, her phone started ringing. "Gretchen Karev, who is this?"

"Hello, Mrs. Karev, this is the medical team at Snoqualmie. We just wanted to let you know that your son was in an accident today on the slopes. Don't worry, he is just fine, but you were listed as his emergency contact person."

Her eyes filled with tears. After all these years, she was still on his list. And snowboarding. How classic of him. "Can I speak to him?"

"Actually, he left about thirty minutes ago. I think he is heading back to Seattle, something about 'going home'…"

Now she was beaming. "Thank you for calling me. I appreciate it."

"No problem, Mrs. Karev."

As Gretchen hung up, she considered heading back up to the hospital to let Addison know, but decided against it. _Let him have his own glory, his own entrance. Let him have his own happy ending. _

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As Alex drove through the streets of Seattle to get back to his apartment, he saw a Hybrid in his review mirror. _Funny, that looks exactly like_—but it couldn't be. He took a deep breath and started whistling a tune from _Oklahoma_ as he looked forward to his warm, heated room—empty though it may be.

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Addison saw a beat up Chevy truck in front of her as she made her way to the Archfield. _The exact same model and year as Alex's,_ she pondered. But she saw a snowboard, still caked with ice, in the back. _I'm_ _silly. Alex doesn't snowboard._ She continued to her hotel down the paved road, sparkling with the light of the moon above.

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**Well, a few things about this chapter that you should probably read: (I'm starting to think of this as the kind of writer's blog. LOL) One is that the paragraph about how Alex was supposed to be the one to save her—that's completely my opinion about Addex in a nutshell. ;-) Also the thing about her not being able to see them together, see herself happy in Seattle, see herself forgiving him… will probably play a bigger part in the story than an Addex fan like yourself will like. So this is a warning. **

**Again, if you want a sort of open-ended spoiler to this sequel—listen to Lullaby, by The Dixie Chicks. The mood and the lyrics correspond to how I'm writing the fic. Also, think of this as the Season 3 kind of Season 4. AKA much more depressing. **

**Oh, and to end on a happier note… Alex whistling a tune from Oklahoma! is a spoiler of what character will be returning in the next chapter. Anyone remember her? If you do, I'll... I don't know, ask me for something, and I'll probably give it to you. I love intuitive readers. lol**

**Alright, now my Author's Note is about as long as most of the chapters. I'll stop now. But please review. :-D **


	4. Chapter 4

**Blah. Did you see the premiere? Eh, I thought that most of it was mediocre with the exception of: The George/Izzie scene in the stairwell; The George/Lexie scene in front of the nursery; The last six minutes with "To Build A Home" playing in the backround (download the song, it's seriously aMAZing ;-) ). Oh, and the scene with Derek and Mark in the scrub room? Was it just me or did Derek act _drunk_?!?! That may be because I'm not exactly in a MerDer mood these days, and the speech bugged me.**

**And Private Practice was kinda blah too. The writing was mediocre, but I love all of the characters. The only storyline I enjoyed though was Violet's. I'm officially a hard core Vooper fan. LOL. Violet and Addison are now my two favorite characters. (Besides Alex and Pete, of course).**

**OK I'm done. Read and review, please.**

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If there was one thing Addison hated about being a surgeon, it was the emergency pages. It meant she had to run across the hospital (across the city of Seattle, too, sometimes) to tend to someone else. She had to come out of the mode she was in before—whether it was a giddy mood after just being proposed to by a smart, young neurosurgeon, or post (often mid) coital glow, or, as it was now, just not wanting to get out of bed, because there really wasn't any reason for her to be _getting_ out of bed. A surgeon, or any physician for that matter, had to have a degree of an actor in them—except in the business, they called it bedside manner.

As Addison hastily put on a barely-acceptable layer of eyeliner before heading out to get to the hospital for God knows what, she felt that bedside manner could go fuck itself. She really needed caffeine. _Maybe Karev could get me— _

Karev. Alex Karev. A good third of the reason she didn't want to get out of bed. She didn't even know if he was going to be at the hospital, or if his MIA period would extend more than a day. That was a confrontation she was not particularly looking forward to. Sure, she felt pretty inclined yesterday, but that was back when it was still slightly possible he had gotten a page in the middle of the night. Now it was abundantly clear that he _had,_ in fact, abandoned her.

It took her another ten minutes to go the last five feet to the door and finally face the world.

-

Alex had envisioned getting up the next day bright and early, taking a long, warm shower (he had been too exhausted the night before), going in to apologize the chief for his unannounced absence from work, head back to the Gynie Squad, and have a conversation with her. He did not expect to have a different alarm clock (his pager) going off at an earlier time (3 AM), giving him time for a two minute shower (not even enough time to let the water get warm), and give _no_ minutes to have any time with the chief, for as soon as he was in the hospital, he was off to the ER to help whatever was there.

-

Addison stood at one end of the ER, reminding herself of the drivers that slow down as they drive by an accident to look at the gory scene. In fact, she wasn't that different: It _was _actually a car wreck, but the cars were on the road and all she was looking at was the people who were in it. Apparently there had been a huge U-Haul, whose lights had burned out, so the car behind it couldn't see it there. One after another, cars piled into the jam of blood and steel. And now the survivors were waiting for Addison to unfreeze to go and help them.

But by then, Addison wasn't staring at _them_ anymore, and they were definitely _not_ the reason why she couldn't breathe.

-

Alex was vaguely reminded of the train wreck a year ago as he looked around the chaotic ER. He also remembered sentimentally his first direct interaction with Addison at said accident.

He then realized that he would probably soon get into another fight with her, like before, because he had done a hell of a lot more than let some pregnant chick loose this time, and there was a distinct flash of red at the other end of the ER. And it _definitely_ wasn't Olivia.

-

Alex and Addison locked eyes from across the chaos, but quite frankly, they didn't really have a care about the other people in pain right now. Because the last time they had seen each other, they had both been naked, and they definitely weren't causing each other any pain. But the aftermath of that had caused them both so much, they couldn't really feel sympathy for anyone else in the room.

Then she noticed he wasn't looking at her anymore, he was catching up with the gurney that had just rolled by in front of him. Then he finally called her name—the last time he had said it, he had been moaning. Now it was in frantic need: " Addison! I need your help!"

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As Addison followed Alex (whose hair was still wet from his shower, and smelled like Head & Shoulders—Addison decided it was a wonderful odor), she was reminded of back when she and Alex were still in comfortable, almost satisfying flirtation, professionalism mode. Those days were long over though, she realized, for she and Alex were definitely on opposite sides of the gurney—back in the day (had it really just been a few days ago?) this would have been an ideal time to accidentally brush against each other.

They had their first real confrontation when they got to the door. Alex figured that he would be extra nice to Addison for the rest of the day until they actually had to have the conversation, and held out his arm for her to go first. But when she looked up, all Alex saw was steel. Complete hatred was seeping out of her eyes, her posture, as they saw each other close-up for the first time since they had been in each other's arms. She walked rigidly in, but made it very clear non-verbally that she was doing it from her own will, and not because she was obeying to the will of his out stretched hand. Alex felt like he had been slapped.

Finally, the awkwardness between the (almost) pair was put off for a while, for now they were all in the room with a 24 year old car crash victim. She was in pain, for her arm was definitely not facing the direction a normal arm would be. She groaned. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Addison sighed and looked at the chart. Alex had to remember not to jump in and give her a hug, massage the place right below her shoulder that he discovered would calm her, and make himself be a bystander in watching her in pain—after all, he was the reason she was in pain. He restrained himself all over again. To help curb his impulses, he turned to the patient. "It says here that you had a hysterectomy a few months ago—have you had any unusual side effects of that recently?"

"No," she replied.

"Obviously you have a severe break to the lower arm and elbow, so we'll page Ortho and get some X-Rays on those, and also an abdominal CT to see if there is any internal bleeding and if the car crash did anything to your healing surgical scar." He turned to Addison. " Right Dr. Montgomery?"

Now it was Addison looking like she had been slapped. "Absolutely, Dr. Karev," she finally managed to stumble out. What in the _world_ was he doing? She looked at him suspiciously.

Addison made to exit the room, but Alex was still on her tail. "I'll page Dr. Torres for you," he said.

Okay, now Addison wasn't confused anymore—she was downright pissed. Was he seriously acting like nothing had happened? Right now it felt like he was just milking this false kindness to her almost to show off how two nights before had meant absolutely nothing to him, that she could forgive just like that as soon as they were working again, and pretend like it hadn't happened at all. As much as she hated it, she honestly didn't want to forget that night in her hotel room. Because it felt like she (both of them, really) had worked so hard to deserve it, and now all that was left was a memory that Alex was showing all too clearly he didn't give a shit about it?

But she couldn't very well yell at him for pretending like they didn't have sex uncountable times in front of the nurses station, outside a patients room, or at work. So she got a master plan—act the way that he was acting. He didn't need to know that she cared any more than he did. Right now, they could just be normal. Maybe I could send him down to the pit for the day even…

"You do that, Dr. Karev," she supplied, and brusquely turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction.

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"So where were you?"

"For the millionth time, I was snowboarding!"

Alex groaned as he prepared for another grill session from Meredith. She didn't care that they were in the middle of the cafeteria and could be heard by anyone who bothered to walk a little close too close to their cozy two person table, oh no. She needed the scoop now.

Finally he groaned and set down his fork. "Why do you care so much anyways?"

"Because I've been waiting for you to realize you were in love with her for months now, you finally do, I get my hopes all high, then I come to work the next day, you're gone, and Addison looks like she just saw a ghost. I mean, _what the freaking hell_?"

"So she was upset?" he inquired.

"Umm, yeah what did you expect? She came here looking for you, she even went to ask Bailey, who in turn almost found out about it, and then was dished the news that not only had you abandoned her, you abandoned Seattle. You could have been lying dead in a ditch somewhere—." Alex didn't mention his incident in the infirmary— "and she loves you!"

"Well, it's kind of hard to tell when she won't say two words to me and is vehemently acting like nothing happened in the first place. She isn't talking to me!"

"Alex, you messed up."

"I get that."

"So Addison isn't being too mature about the whole affair, but you were the first one to act immature. Because honestly? Leaving after a night of sex—." Alex flinched at the harsh word "is kind of a flashing neon sign- 'It didn't mean anything to me'!"

"But it did, why the hell did you think I left?" Alex couldn't hold back anymore—"I love her too. But hello, Meredith, remember Izzie? Remember Olivia? Remember the abusive family and the one night stands? Do you really think I just up and left for my own little selfish, conceited reasons? You know, maybe this whole rouge isn't so good for my career? I—."

"You're scared," Meredith said in a very small voice. "You're scared that you aren't going to be good for her. You're scared that you don't deserve her, and you couldn't make her happy."

Addison stopped listening at this point, and left her perch behind a pillar in the cafeteria at the condiment cart, her ears still ringing with Alex's confession.

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The rest of the day went by in a blur for both of them—their patient needed surgery, he did some chart work, then headed down to the pit to deal with the back up from the car accident, nothing really happened. The only time they interacted was in surgery—they were in the scrub room together, but both refused to say anything. In the surgery itself, Addison was curt, poised, and flawless as always. The scrub nurses noticed that Alex was nicer than usual to Addison, and she was colder than usual to him. Other than that, it was a normal day. They figured that she was pissed at him for not showing the day before—they heard she had been forced to work with Meredith Grey instead.

-

Addison finished the last notes in her patient's chart. She stood up to leave the room—it was in a deserted part of the hospital, but it needed to be used today because there weren't enough rooms for the car crash victims. But as she got to the door, someone else opened it, and Alex made to enter. They walked into each other at the door way of the room.

Apologies were muttered under their breath, but neither made a move to leave where they were. She was standing right in front of him, her chin could have rested on his shoulder if she wanted. She did want to, and she did just that. They stood there for a while, not moving. They both wanted so much to say something to make it all better, to solve all of their problems, all the world's problems, but they couldn't. As Alex stood against Addison, feeling her with all of his senses—hearing her uneven breathing, smelling her crimson hair, remembering the taste of her mouth, her lips—he realized that maybe they did have chance, maybe she did care about him, about what happened, about what happens. And Addison didn't think at all—she thanked the God's for the deserted hall and the patient still under anesthetic; then she closed her eyes and tried to make the moment stretch out forever in her mind.

Neither of them moved away first—it was almost like a mutual, nonverbal agreement that happened: Alex moved further into the room, Addison continued on her way out the door. Neither saw that the other also had tears in their eyes as they walked away.

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Addison cursed her pager when it informed her that she would be staying at the hospital that night. She went to the locker room before heading off to do chart work. When she opened her locker, to her surprise there was a non-fat tall mocha latte with an extra shot in front of her. On the top, written in Sharpie with recognizable handwriting was _To help you get through the night. _

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**Well, a few post-chapter notes: Originally I was going to make this chapter longer and have the random car crash patient Kathleen, who in A New Day was the musical chick they worked on right before Addison slept with Mark, whatever chapter that was. But I lost my gusto and decided to make it simpler by using some random person who I didn't even name. But that's because I really wanted to get on to writing the next chapter in which a LOT goes down, most of which you won't like, by the way, but I'm pretty excited about it.**

**Oh, and the part where Alex and Addison are just standing against each other, kinda just being with each other? I woke up in the middle of the night with "To Build A Home" on repeat on my boombox playing, and I got that vision in my mind. So go download that song.**

**And please review, OK? It makes my bleak world have color. That was a really sappy cliche. I'm going to go now.**


	5. Chapter 5

**OH MY GOD ANY ADDEX FAN NEEDS TO READ THIS:**

**Not super exciting, but in the sneak peek for the next Private Practice episode, Addison and Naomi and Violet are talking about sex, and how sometimes it's magical, and Addison says "I remember the last time I had magic", and you _know_ that she is talking about Alex ;-)**

**Hmmm... the only excuse I have for this is that I warned you. You might want to prepare yourself for this train wreck by rereading the A/N on the first chapter.**

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Alex woke again the next day with the same purpose in his mind: Apologize to Addison. That's what he was supposed to do the day before, but the car accident had gotten in the way. Working with her for a day may have helped things between them, given them both a chance to get used to working together, almost sand up the wood before he had to start building again. It also may have destroyed any remaining chance he had of being with her. She could have perceived his professionalism as indifference. Although Alex wasn't sure the word "indifferent" could possibly be used in any sentence with Addison. Everything about her screamed attention, from her flaming hair, to her height, to her impeccable style and taste, all down to her undeniable demeanor.

But that moment in the patients room yesterday, when they had both refused to move from against each other, gave him hope. In a way, it was like tiding over his appetite for her, at least being able to touch her a little bit. The appetite for his 'monster', as Izzie liked to call it. It hadn't exactly been lying dormant all this time (sex appeal couldn't be non-existent when his boss was such as she was), but after actually having the real thing again, he wasn't sure yesterday how long he could go without going physically mad. And now he was (almost) ready to face the music again. Because he really didn't have a choice anymore. He absolutely had to apologize to Addison.

But he wasn't expecting yet another car crash to once again get in his way. Though this time, the wreck was much, much more catastrophic.

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What happened was this:

Alex headed to the hospital, and went straight to her office, not bothering to change into scrubs. He had his speech planned out in his head and how he had been scared and how he was afraid that he would eventually hurt her (he still didn't know that she had overheard his conversation with Meredith). So he stood outside her door, waiting for her to arrive. She was scheduled to be there now, and he started pacing.

Then he heard voices coming down the hallway—one was hers, of course. And the other was the reason she was there at all.

"Derek, what's so important that you are stalking me to my office?"

"Please, Addison," he replied, and his voice was much gentler than Alex had been expecting, "I need to talk to you. In private."

_Private_. The word bounced around in Alex's cerebrum for a while before he registered private didn't mean him. And also "private" was how he wanted his conversation with Addison to go. And also, he had no business standing outside her office this minute. So in an instant of genius (not really genius, because it was a juvenile idea, but more like quick thinking and problem solving), he quickly went into her office before she and Derek turned the corner, and found a spacey closet in there. Soon, Alex found himself enclosed in darkness. He couldn't see, hear—the only one of his senses working was his sense of smell. Because the scent of the closet gave him a startling déjà vu of a certain night in her hotel room. In fact, that night in the hotel room was why he was in the closet in the first place. He had noticed lately that his life was full of symmetry.

Then his ears kicked in as Derek and Addison finally emerged into the room. Alex couldn't see them, obviously, but he could hear chairs sliding and could picture it— Addison lounging in her spinning, rolling chair as Derek sat at the one in front of her desk, like a boy visiting the principal's office, ready to be reprimanded. But Derek was the one talking this time, and Alex strained to listen.

"I, umm… I didn't want you to hear this through the grape vine, so I came to tell you myself. Last night… well, I…"

Addison sighed, clearly exasperated. "Derek, just tell me. I was married to you for 11 years. I don't want to waste another fifteen minutes listening to you mumble."

"Marriage." Derek's head had popped up when Addison had mentioned the word. "That's what I'm telling you, Addie. Meredith and I are getting married."

Alex could tell that Addison wasn't breathing anymore. Ever since that night, he had become in tune with her breath, and now its absence was frightening. He heard Derek's footsteps going in the direction of where she was inevitably sitting. But Addison was having none of his nonsense.

"Oh! Congratulations, Derek. I'm really happy for you."

The response would have been perfectly fine and acceptable if she had said it immediately, but the moment of silence had betrayed her real feelings behind Derek and Meredith's step forward in their relationship.

But Derek obviously didn't want to deal with his ex-wife's feelings anymore than he already had, so he took the bait. "Thanks, Addison. Your support means a lot. I know I haven't always been the nicest person to you, especially in the past year, but I still care about you. Never doubt that."

"I don't." But her voice was still pitched too high, and there was nothing Alex wanted more than to emerge from the closet and take her in his arms. But he still hadn't apologized. Then the door shut, and Alex came out carefully, ready for hell from the red head left in the room. But she had exited with him, and there was no one left in the room but Alex, who stood there looking frantically around for the woman who had just gotten hit by another car.

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Alex found himself in the same position he had been in after his chat with his mother so long ago (only days ago? _Really_?). Because he was pacing hallways, looking for her, and she was nowhere to be seen. Then he once again realized that she had left. But somehow, he didn't think that she had retreated to her hotel room like before. And somehow, he had a hunch that led him to quickly run by Meredith with a "Congratulations, but it's Addison. Cover for me?" and after he got an unquestioning acceptance from her, he retraced his steps from twenty minutes ago and retreated from the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital.

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In some fantasy world, it would have been fate that led Alex to the woman he loved at her time of need, but he knew that that was a bunch of bull. It wasn't fate. It was… well, if he wanted to stretch it out a little bit, it was love. After all, love was what caused him to watch her every move, pick up her quirks, her habits, her patterns. He never had actually followed Addison here before, but he had clues: After some mysterious disappearances, her hair looked windswept, her cheeks blushed. Her hands, he noticed, were always a bit colder (if he had the luck to subtly brush against them).

Thinking about these habits, and his behaviors, made Alex all the more furious. Because in hindsight, he had been pining after her for ages; almost a year. Definitely after she got the divorce, he looked at her through different eyes. Then he had it—just the fact that he had a quickie in an on call room months ago should have been enough for him. And then after the 'love' kicked in, he had an entire night with her. Knowing what kind of woman Addison was, there probably weren't many more than two other men who could say the same. He got to learn under her, for God's sake. Talk about lucky. Then somehow, he got a full house, royal flush, found out that she loved him as well, then chose to quit while he was ahead. And _seriously_, a life with Addison Montgomery beat a day of snowboarding _any_ day.

But he couldn't scold himself for his bad decision making right now. He had a job to do. For _her_. And he wasn't going to let her down this time. Of that, he was sure.

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Thankfully, he was able to catch the ferry that had been sitting there already for fifteen minutes, and hopefully the one that Addison was on. Alex couldn't help but feel a bit of doubt about his choice, but now he couldn't do anything about it, as the rope was untied and he was out in the bay. He started his scouting voyage of the boat—from the snack bars inside, every single deck, and finally the top deck. He looked among the faded white benches, a sea of faces staring back, wondering what he was doing clambering around the ferry and saying "you're rocking the boat". But Addison wasn't among them. There wasn't even a redhead up there.

As he descended the stairs to the second balcony, cursing himself for idiotically ditching work and making a fool's guess at where one person might possibly be in one of US's major cities, he saw her. She was standing against the rail on the edge of the deck, her hair half back in a beret (that Alex strongly suspected was the one Mark got her for her birthday that year). He couldn't tell whether her body was shaking from cold, because she was wearing no coat; only a light blouse, or whether she was crying. Alex didn't wait to find out.

Addison was staring out at the abyss of water; she wished her thoughts could be as still and consistent as Elliot Bay's chilling existence, but her thoughts were interrupted when she felt arms envelop her waist. Addison's entire figure tightened at the unexpected touch, but when he gently said, "I know", she collapsed. The sound of his voice became too much, and she couldn't speak. The only thing she could manage to do was squeeze him back, praying like hell that he would keep holding on this time.

But as she stood there in her love's arms (but they weren't each others "loves" yet, for nothing had been said, but did anything really need to be said, or would this be enough? Would it be enough for her?), she was struck by the notion that she had found herself facing the day he disappeared. What was she doing here?

Alex held her even tighter. Maybe he wouldn't have to apologize, go through the motions of attempting to explain his absence. Maybe this would be enough, and they could pretend that no time had elapsed at all since that amazing night in her hotel room.

But soon, he heard nothing was enough. Not even for them, but for everything else.

"Alex…" Addison finally spoke, her voice broken. Alex pulled her around so she would be facing him, but she turned away from him. He watched her eyes once again staring over the edge at nothing, nothing but the cold chasm beyond the rail.

"I'm leaving."

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**You don't know how much I want to explain this to you... but I'm going to wait until the last chapter to do so. So keep reviewing... I have a clear vision in my head of what will happen, but sometimes someone will say something in a review that inspires me to change the course of the fic. Maybe you can convince me to stop my dark and twisty route and go for something a bit more... _light_...**

**And if you're looking for light Addex reading, read Addisex Hotness. Don't worry, we didn't even go through the trouble and angst of getting them together. We went straight for the porn. You might want to read that after reading this depressing chapter.**

**Please review :-D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so I just watched Time Has Come Today again, and I head that Lullaby (the song that this fic is based on) was played in the very beginning of the episode. :-O Which is totally shocking, because I didn't know that it had ever played on Grey's, I just liked the song. And the song is playing when Addison finds the panties. By now you know that the main conflict of this Season 4 is that Addison is leaving, and it's named after the song that was playing when the first thing happened that would make her leave.**

**I'm a huge fan of symmetry.**

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Alex slammed the door of his apartment behind him, as he stormed into the adjoining kitchen. "What do you mean you're leaving?"

Addison sunk into the couch, sighing deeply. "What does it sound like, Alex? I'm leaving Seattle."

He still couldn't wrap his mind around it. "Leave for good? Why? Where would you go?"

"I'd probably go back to New York."

"But what about Seattle Grace?"

"I had a practice in New York for over eleven years."

"But you have a life here!" Alex was grasping at everything, trying to stop Addison from thinking this nonsense.

"My life was in New York. The only life I ever had in Seattle was Derek. But all the time I was here, I wasn't his life anymore. Meredith was. I have nothing here, no one to keep me—"

"What about me?" Alex had stopped shouting. His voice was low; quiet; breaking.

"You left." Addison broke eye contact with him, lowering them to her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap.

There was a moment of stillness.

"But I came back, Addison. I'm sorry, I—"

She brought her green eyes back to his. "You were scared." Alex's eyes widened. "I get that, I…" She thought about the moment in the patient's room yesterday, where she hadn't been able to bring herself from moving; and how he had somehow known where to find her. And also how he hadn't immediately run when she told him of her plan. "I forgive you."

Alex had been leaning on his kitchen counter, but at these words stood up straight and strode over to where Addison was sitting. But before he could reach her (and no doubt convince Addison to do what he had in mind), she stood up to meet him, and put a hand on his chest. Not in a 'come here' way, though; she stopped him in his tracks. "I forgive you," she said again, "but I can't be scared anymore. Do you realize how scared I was that day? You could have gotten paged and been in a car accident on the way to the hospital. And after all of this, I still don't know where you went!"

"I—"

"But I don't want to know. I do, of course, because I love you, and I want to know everything you've ever done. But it doesn't matter anymore. Because as I walked around the hospital that day, I worked with my ex husband's girlfriend, cut somebody open in an OR that I've always thought was too bright, and got my hair wet as I walked to my car in the parking lot. And just today, I got to start my day by hearing of my ex husband's engagement to someone over eight years younger than I am."

"But that's happened everyday since the divorce, Addie! What's so different now? You've survived the past six months just fine. I remember seeing you every day with a smile on your face, loving your job, hanging out with Torres… and we finally make the move that we should have done months ago, and _now_ you decide that it is too much?"

They were both shouting now. "Because, Alex, _you_ were the only reason I was smiling at work, every day in the cafeteria Callie and I were talking about _you_, and every day I got to save a life, as much as I loved seeing them wake up, it was like another part of you was waking up, too. And we finally did make the next step. But that almost isn't relevant anymore. What matters is that the day that you weren't there—I had nothing."

"But I'm here now!"

"What about the day you're sick? When you fly to Iowa to visit your mother? When you die in a car crash? In New York, my happiness wasn't based on one thing. I had my friends, my family—"

"So you're saying I'm not enough?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Why can't you get it, Alex?"

"Why can't you stay?"

"Why can't you let me do what I want to do?"

"Why can't you see that you don't want it?"

"Why are you so set on keeping me now, but you thought I'd be fine and dandy if _you_ left?"

"How can you forgive me, and still love me, and know that I love you, and have it still not be enough? Why have we both worked so hard, and gone through so much to finally be together, and you won't let us? If we were a story, it would be a hundred pages. And I already made the climax by leaving you. But I came back, and you've forgiven me, and now is when we're supposed to be happy, supposed to go back to my bedroom and fall into each other's arms, and have a wedding on the same day as Shepherd, and more people would show up at ours because we fought through the same fight that they did plus another hundred pages, and I'm done, Addison!" He was still yelling, but feeling his voice break. He took Addison's face in his hands. "I've been fighting, Addison. Please let me have a break. Please, just stop. I'm not strong enough to keep going on like this. I'm so tired. I don't want to fight anymore, I just want to be happy."

Addison's face was turning wet under his fingers, but she removed his hands wiped her tears. "Then don't fight anymore. Let me go."

Alex cried out in despair at her defiance, trying desperately to reach out to her again. But she used every ounce of self control she possessed to grab her purse, turn around, and disappear from the apartment; the door shut behind her with a final _click_.

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**So that was it. The final chapter of this fic.**

**Totally kidding. But there are only going to be one (or two (or three)) more chapters. So keep reviewing. How awesome would it be if I went over a hundred reviews? Very awesome. Maybe so awesome that I would start another Addex story...**

** Violet **


	7. Chapter 7

**I know you don't want to hear it, but I actually have good reasons for not updating. Sorry about that. Cherish this second to last chapter of Do You Want to be Loved?**

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As she stood on the doorstep of Meredith Grey's house, Addison couldn't help but feel a little teary.

She had never actually been to the legendary House of Grey, where so much drama went down. This was the place where the love that had inevitably ended a third of Addison's life had… _blossomed_. She felt a strong urge to spit on the 1930 style windows and be done with it. As they did so often over the past few weeks, her thoughts started running amuck—the places that _her_ Derek could have been with Meredith, the places where the Derek that no longer belonged to her had been with Meredith. It was probably on these premises that he had asked her to be eternally tied to him. He had asked _her_ while they were on the observation deck of the World Trade Center.

It was interesting how both had collapsed. All that was left were ashes. And Addison was still at Ground Zero, as far as moving on was concerned. She now doubted that the house even _deserved_ her saliva gracing its porch.

Nevertheless, Derek was definitely not the only reason she was leaving. If it was just him, she would be long gone by now. Something else had also happened within these walls, and within the city that she was about to leave, hopefully, forever. This was the safe haven for Alex's comrades. The group he had never really been a part of, except during his fragile relationship with Izzie Stevens. According the conversation she overheard, insecurity about his stability was part of the reason she wasn't with him right now. As they all sat together in the cafeteria, he always sat with the latest nurse. While they stuck together for Izzie while she was mourning for Denny, he was at work with her. So when it came to starting to be part of a pack with her, he didn't know how. (Referring to groups as "packs" sounded like they were all a bunch of wolves, but she thought that it fit for them. After all, what are surgeons if not hungry, hunting carnivores?)

He answered the door without his engagement ring. She had a fleeting moment of hope, but it passed quicker than usual. Maybe she wasn't quite at Ground Zero. Possibly Ground 2.

Mr. Ground Infinity looked at her curiously: " Addison? What…" He looked over his shoulder. "Come in."

She followed Derek into the living room. There was a subtle smell of baking, but the empty adjoining kitchen yielded no cook. She assumed that it was from constant baking over the past 15 months. The couch could have used some dusting, and the floor squeaked as he went to sit down on the chair across from her. In other words, the house was ordinary. She didn't see any sex tapes; it wasn't annoyingly perfect; no spirits or ghosts coming out of the carpet. No demons were hiding in the closet. She let out her breath. "I'm not conceding."

That didn't do anything to Derek's confusion. She continued.

"This isn't me giving up. This isn't me leaving you a clear path, or a fresh start. To be honest, I don't really care about you and Meredith. Or giving you an easier time. But I thought that it would be… tactful… for me to inform you that my flight leaves in 72 hours."

She didn't get the reaction she wanted. Addison loved reactions. Her first entrance to the city was only 80 percent charged by disgust for the 12 year old. Seeing Derek's reactions were a priceless thing, and probably one of her favorite parts about him. The way he'd look up at first, and then look again as the meaning finally set in. Or how his eyebrows would raise, and his mouth would open before he figured out what was going to actually come out of it. But all he did was bow his head. "One-way, I presume."

"Correct," she whispered.

Addison noticed that she was subconsciously tracing a scar on her arm. It might have been a better idea for her sanity if she had never noticed.

------------

Dr. Linda Evans burst out laughing as her friends Derek and Addison walked into the ER, with blood running down her arm. "What did you do to her this time, Derek?"

He laughed. "I didn't do anything, Linda. We were out in Central Park, and some dumbass left a random, stray brick lying in the middle of the pathway, waiting for some beautiful red head to trip over." He planted a kiss on the red head's blood free hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't catch you."

Addison was busy examining her own wounds. "What were you looking at, anyways?"

"There was a really cute golden retriever near the carousal," he admitted, sheepishly dropping his head. "Why won't you let me get one?"

"I told you—the brownstone is not a dog kind of house. If you want to move into a trailer outside the house, you have a dog."

"Ah," Dr. Evans cut in. "I'm going to have to cut off this very special bantering. Addison, you'll definitely need stitches. I'm also going to run some blood tests to see if you have an infection." Derek tensed at Addison's side. "It's very unlikely, mostly just a precaution." She winked at him. "Shall I get those going, then?"

Addison cut in, her fear of needles surfacing: "It's just a blood test—do I really need it? I mean, what would it possibly show?"

-

"You're pregnant."

Derek hadn't even heard Linda enter the room, but now dropped the pager he was punching in to. "I'm _pregnant_?"

Addison hid her shocked face, and looked over from the bed. "No, smart one, _I_ am. Or _we_ are. Depending on how we will want to describe it. I don't know. Ask Linda. She knows more than I do."

Linda was beaming at the Shepherds. "Your blood test revealed no sign of infection, but you are about 4 weeks pregnant. Congratulations."

Addison quickly reminded herself how to breathe, then started to very, very slowly. They had already had this conversation, not even a year ago. She was a surgeon. They were both surgeons. As in late calls, all nighters, paper work, little rest… her breathing started to increase tempo.

"Oh my gosh… Addie! We're going to have a baby! I—I'm going to be a father." Derek glided over to where Addison was sitting and kissed her full on the lips. "Oh, I can't… I can barely breathe, I'm so excited."

What was she going to do? An abortion was out of the question. If she was even considering it before, after seeing Derek's reaction, there really was nothing she could do. Was she really doomed to the motherhood role?

"This is such a blessing for you two," Linda mused from her forgotten position by the doorway. "You will be such a fantastic mother, Addison."

All she could muster was a chuckle, but she lay awake that night terrified for what was going to happen.

-

In fact, Addison didn't feel that amount of anxiety again, except for 5 months later, when Lorraine Shepherd died. During the miscarriage, Derek held her hand for the first half until he couldn't stand it anymore. During the days of recovery at home, he stuck around half the time, and then went to work due to pages that Addison supposed she was too weak to hear. During the months, and year, after their unborn child just became a notch on the Shepherd family history, he stayed at work more and more. One night he stayed at work too late.

6 weeks later he met Meredith.

------------

As she left the House of Grey for the first and last time, she figured that she really didn't have any final words for it to see. No big finish. But it ended up her body refused to leave the traitor's premises unmarked, because at that moment she threw up all over Derek's shoes, and the porch. Laughing wildly, Addison ran away and bought the first pregnancy test.

About six later, Addison knew that there was no way she was leaving Seattle now.

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**You know how I said I was going to make this fanfic realistic? I just went through and reread all 78 pages of it. And by golly, it's not. I'm giving up the pretense and submitting to my Addex instincts of babies and sex. One more chapter to go... if you review, I promise to update within 3 months next time. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is the very last chapter you guys'll ever get from me, so cherish it. :P**

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Alex didn't flinch when Addison told him. After a certain amount of suffering, he figured that Karma was going to give him a gift like this eventually. He wasn't sure that Addison would understand his lack of reaction, so he picked her up and twirled her around, and within a week she had moved in. New York was never going to come—that was for sure.

_They didn't have you where I come from  
Never knew the best was yet to come _

He also wasn't surprised when he found out that Addison's pink shopping spree wasn't in vain, and they started picking out names for their baby girl. The night that she told him about Lorraine, he knew that she should be able to have another girl. But Addison was still nervous before hand; every time Alex told her about his mild belief in any higher power, she laughed it off. She would never tell, but it was unnerving, and unbelievable to see bad ass Karev say things like that.

_How long do you want to be loved?_

_Is forever enough, is forever enough… _

Even the night that they went to city hall at three in the morning, dragging Callie with them, and Addison finally became eternally his, he wasn't astounded. It wasn't like she hadn't been _his_ for a while now. But she was shaking for hours after her second wedding, and that was enough excitement for him. After the long night of activities, rivaled only by their very first, Alex got up to get a glass of water. He sat in the plush chair that the hotels always superfluously add to the already stocked suites, and watched Addison twist and turn in her sleep. Finally he crawled in with his wife, rested his head on the back of her neck, tucked his feet under himself in the sheets, and within a few minutes was fast asleep.

_I slip in bed when you're asleep _

_To hold you close and feel your breath on me _

_Tomorrow there'll be so much to do _

_So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you _

-

At 9 months when she went into labor, he held her hand, and hid his tears, and finally Kendel's first cry came into the world. Later, in the NICU, he watched Kendel sitting in her small crib, and felt Addison come up behind him. Without turning around, he grabbed her hand and pulled her beside him. "You did good," he murmured. "If it had been me in there, she wouldn't be here right now."

"That's why it's the women who get pregnant," she mused, then playfully kicked his leg under the rocking chair. "You'd think after giving birth for over ten years, I'd be used to watching them, but…"

Alex squeezed her hand. "I know. Kendel's just…"

Addison smiled. "She's unbelievable, Alex."

He pulled her closer to him, until she fell into the rocking chair with him. Alex rested his head against the glass, tucked his feet under himself, and within a few minutes was fast asleep.

_How long do you want to be loved? _

_Is forever enough? _

_How long do you want to be loved? _

_Is forever enough? 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up _

-

_Grey's Anatomy _

-

**Mrs. Symmetry would like to point out that New Day started with "Unbelievable, Karev", Do You Want to be Loved? started with "Unbelievable, Karev", but by the time the end of this came around, he was officially "Unbelievable, Alex". How clever am I, eh? **

**Thank you so much for sticking around through two hiatuses, risk of Addison leaving, risk of Alex leaving, sleeping with Mark, one night stands, fighting with Derek, snowboarding, and lots of other random stuff that kept us all from what we really wanted—why you started reading this fanfic in the first place: a happy ending for Addison and Alex. I hope that this was satisfactory. This will be the last you'll hear from me for a while. **

**Review for the last time? I want to make it over 100. :) **

**And Addex forever. As long as we still believe, they will never fully be finished. Remember that. ;-)**


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